The Fifth Element


Rating: PG-13

Could I have watched this with my Dad? : Sure.

Could I have watched this with my Mom? : Maybe.

Language: Nothing of note.

Sex/Romance: Yes, there is some kissing and sexy scenes throughout.

Violence/Gore: Some, violence, not a ton of gore.

Music: ...Interesting

Did I feel the need to leave the lights off and sit in silence afterward? : No.

Thoughts: It felt like a lonely nerd had a wet dream and couldn't let go of it so he decided to write it down and produce it. I was intensely uncomfortable for a lot of the movie as I watched the character of Leeloo be sexualized, openly leered at, and treated with such possession by every man she came in contact with, good or bad, and it was either completely glossed over or even treated as a joke (which made me want to puke). When they used the gross, pornographic leering of the old "good" guy (with the open encouragement of another "good" guy) as a punchline I nearly puked.

I should have stopped the movie there, but unfortunately I didn't. Now, you might be thinking, but didn't Leeloo get a strong moment <<<<<<<<<<SPOILERS>>>>>>>>>> where she pulled a gun on Willis' character for kissing her without her permission while she was sleeping and told him off saying, "Never without my permission"? Sure. Was it a three-second thing that was immediately glossed over and had no real impact on how any man treated her thereafter? Also yes. Was it only used to make Korben "lose" her temporarily (again with the possession) so that he had to try to regain her/her trust? Again, yes. And really, the whole plot of the movie was that this "perfect" woman (perfect in this case just means hot and super sexy, not anything actually practical for saving the world like built with muscles for fighting or super endurance or anything) was literally created to save the universe, but in the end needs some washed-up old military guy who is failing at being a taxi driver to tell her he loves her to make her capable of actually saving the universe. So to summarize, this guy just happens to have been in the military and was their best guy, just happens to be qualified in a super-long list of hyper-specific areas necessary to pull off this mission, immediately falls in love with the mostly naked girl and somehow doesn't scare her off when everyone else does, is now a washed-up, disgraced taxi driver but definitely still remembers all his old, highly-specific military skills, has some of the most amazing luck ever to grace a human male (despite what his hairline will tell you), and then is the one to actually save the world because without his declaration of love the woman who was literally created to save the galaxy would have been unable/unwilling to do so. Oh, and she totally loves him back for...whatever reason. <<<<<<<<<<END SPOILERS>>>>>>>>>>If that isn't some self-insertion, Gary Stu bullshit.... I generally like Bruce Willis' work, but this movie was nauseating. Oh, and don't forget to make fun of a mother for the ultimate punchline.

It did have a plot. I did like the glimpse at future earth. I liked Ruby Rhod (minus all of his sex stuff).

Was this a good use of a night with the house to myself? : No.

In the End: 1 out of 5 stars.